my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Randomize
