I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
Randomize
