I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
