I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
Randomize
