when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
i out mim tonsoeep
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