I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
