I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize