I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
Randomize
