mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
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