Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
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