I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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