my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
