Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
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