you turned your livingroom into a bong?
Just took my morning after pill in the library
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
