My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
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