Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
Randomize
