I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
i dont even know how to be here
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
Randomize
