Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
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