My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
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