HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
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