I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Randomize
