My hair reeks of homosexuality.
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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