when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
