why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
