I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
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