wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Randomize
