i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Randomize
