Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
Randomize
