just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
I have so many feelings about this burrito
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize