His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Randomize
