i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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