Sorry, I don't speak sober.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
