I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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