Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
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