IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
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