i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Randomize
