Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize
