we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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