I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
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