R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
