her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Randomize
