Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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