I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Randomize
