i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
