yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Randomize
