Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
Randomize
