We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
