He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
Randomize
