I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
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