i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
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