what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
