Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Randomize
