I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
Randomize
