Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
