I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
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