so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
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