turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
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