she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
