the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Randomize
