FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Randomize
