Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
me + whiskey = a bad person
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
Sext me about skeletons
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
Randomize
