he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
Randomize
