Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
Randomize
