im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
