I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
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