It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
cat food counts as protein by the way
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
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