We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
