Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
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