once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
Randomize
