She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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