You just made me feel so damn special
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
two words...techno handjob
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
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