some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
