Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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