Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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